It was May, and the weather was glorious. Business was booming and I spent as much time with Orion Jr. as my schedule allowed me. I focused on my work and my son. Inasmuch as I could, I kept my distance from Phaedra. I made sure that our child was always in the room whenever we saw one another. Orion Jr. served as a reasonably effective buffer, but what he could not do was stop us from staring at each other. CJ was also present some of the time, and he kept Phaedra from looking at me, but it didn’t stop me. I remembered all too well the episode in her bed. CJ didn’t know how to fuck Phaedra, and eventually she would realize it.
Other than that, we were cordial and kept our discussions focused entirely on our son. Phaedra was strong, but I knew that. I knew she was going to fight her desire for me tooth and nail. I knew that she was going to do everything in her power to keep her word and marry CJ. Their wedding was planned for July, and part of me wondered if Phaedra would actually go through with it. She was still in love with me, and she still desired me. The afternoon we made love in her bed was evidence of that. I wondered if she was able to have sex with CJ in that bed afterwards. I knew that if I were to get her back, she wouldn’t want to be intimate with me in a bed where I’d slept with another woman. In preparation for that, I bought a new mattress set and new sheets.
I really wanted to talk to her. It was killing me to be around her and not be able to acknowledge anything. I wanted Phaedra so much and part of me loathed that I had been stupid enough to bet that she wouldn’t cheat on CJ again. Phaedra was stubborn, but I could be patient. It was a matter of time.
School let out for the summer, and Orion Jr. was scheduled to spend three weeks at a summer camp for art students. Phaedra had asked me if I would pay for it; the cost of the tuition had gone up, as well as the supplies he would need. She was buying wedding stuff and couldn’t swing it. I was more than happy to do it. Then her parents would be taking him one weekend so that she could finish up her wedding plans. The ceremony was supposed to be small and intimate; out by the lake. I offered to have Jade’s cater, and Phaedra liked the idea but knew CJ wouldn’t approve.
So I worked. Sadao and I spent a week in the southwest corner of the city; a territory that was up for grabs since a smaller, weaker clan had been ousted. Seiichi wanted to open another restaurant. Business was good. My soldiers kept the territories safe and undesirables had tendencies to pack up and leave. I confided in Seiichi about Phaedra, and he cautioned me that it was something I had to be sure of if I wanted her in my life. The boss was married, as was the underboss, and it was sensible for their statures. I could have a wife if I chose, and Seiichi reminded me about my loyalties. I didn’t need the reminder, but I understood my place. I loved being a member of the Ishiguro family; they had treated me very well. But I didn’t know how to tell the love of my life that I worked for the Japanese mafia. If Phaedra married CJ, then she never had to know. I didn’t want her to marry CJ, and so I had that to think about.
 |
| Home working |
The doorman buzzed my apartment. “Mr. Korematsu, a Miss Thornton is here to see you.”
“Send her up.”
 |
| Surprise visit |
“Sorry if I surprised you. I should have called first. Are you busy? Do you have company?”
“I’m working but I can take a break. Come sit in the living room. Want something to drink?
“Water or cranberry juice, if you have it.”
I brought a tall glass of icy cranberry juice to her. She sat on my couch, with her bare feet tucked under her legs. I resumed my position.
“You’re barefoot.”
“I’m at home.”
“It’s sexy.”
I smiled. “Really, Phaedra?”
“Orion, you know how you were. But you’re different now. You’re vibrant, bolder than you used to be. When we were together in that tiny apartment, you didn’t walk around barefoot. You didn’t challenge me like you’ve been doing, and you…you…”
“What?”
“You haven’t interfered.”
“I said I wouldn’t.”
She seemed jittery; she kept changing the position of her legs and looking around. “I appreciate it.”
“How are the wedding plans coming?”
She sighed. “I don’t even know. I turned it over to my planner. I just can’t take it anymore.”
I tapped a pen against my lips. “Orion Jr. is at camp. Why are you here?”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“I didn’t say that. Your visit is just unexpected.”
“I just wanted to talk to you, Orion.”
“You know that you can call me anytime, Phaedra. It would be safer, don’t you think?”
She looked past me to the pool. “I didn’t know you had a pool.”
“I’m going swimming in an hour or so.”
Phaedra looked as if she wanted me to ask her to join me, but I was going to keep my word. If this happened, it would be because of her.
“Answer my question, Phaedra.”
“What question?”
“You could have called me. It’s safer for you to call me, don’t you think? Since we really shouldn’t be alone together.”
“Orion, surely two adults can control themselves and behave civilly.”
“You call what we did that day civil? I wanted to tie you to the bed.”
“My scarves were in my second drawer. But really, O, should it be so black and white?”
“Your choice, Phaedra. I’m doing it to respect your decision to marry CJ. I said I’d stay away and I have. But you’re here, now, and for no reason I can see, unless…”
She stood up. “You’re right; I shouldn’t have come. What was I thinking; that I could have a simple conversation with the father of my child?”
I stood up. “Phaedra, if you want to talk, then let’s talk. Sit back down. We can talk. I’m not going to jump you.” Though I wondered if she was trying to test me with the length of that dress. She knew I loved her legs.
She sat back down. “Orion, have you tried finding another girlfriend?”
 |
| Is she trying to entice her baby's father? |
“No. I don’t want any woman but you, and remember, you don’t want any other woman around Orion Jr.”
“I think it would be easier for you if you had someone. You deserve a good woman who will love you and who will love Taz. And who will give you more children. If I remember correctly, you wanted a son and a daughter.”
I glared at her. “Phaedra, I have no interest in siring a bunch of children with a bunch of random women. Any kids I might want will all have the same mother. That means you. So, unless CJ doesn’t mind me getting you pregnant, I won’t be having any more kids.”
“A girlfriend, then.”
“Are you trying to make yourself feel better?”
“No, O. I’m just trying to make sure we come out of this happy and whole. We need to be for Quintaz’ sake. I need our son to be happy.”
“What makes you think he wouldn’t be?”
She looked at me. “He told me that he wants me to be with you; that he and his Mommy should live with his Daddy. He told CJ that he would still be his friend, but that he wanted to live with his Mommy and Daddy. CJ is furious.”
“Orion Jr. has an opinion, Phaedra. CJ needs to respect it, even if he doesn’t like it. He told me the same thing, but I told him you were marrying CJ.”
“I sat him down and told him too. CJ and I explained it and what it would mean.”
“Is he starting to act out?”
“No, he’s been a perfectly good boy. I’m just afraid he might start. Taz is becoming bolder by the week.”
“You don’t think I put him up to this, do you?”
“No. I give you more credit than that, Orion. You’re not malicious.”
“What do you want to do about it?”
“I need Taz to accept the fact that he has two daddies. CJ loves him and will help me raise him.”
“To be honest, I’m not crazy about that idea, Phaedra. I know I came in out of nowhere when your relationship with CJ was already established. But I’m the only man qualified to raise my son.”
“Orion…”
I stood up. “Why did you come here, Phaedra? Is it to argue about something as minor as this? We’ve dealt with it fine so far; it can’t be an issue now. You’re getting married in like, a month. What do you really want?”
Phaedra put her head in her hands and snuffled. “CJ thinks I cheated on him.”
“You did. Don’t you remember? I do, panties and all.”
Her cheeks bloomed with color. “I lied and told him he was being paranoid, but he doesn’t believe me.”
“I hope you’re not expecting me to comfort you, Phaedra. I told you that you were going to hurt him if you continued this charade. That one’s on you, baby.”
“Don’t remind me, Orion!”
“Why does he think you cheated?”
“I won’t have sex with him in my bed.”
“Hm,” I said.
“I can’t. All I can see whenever I look at my bed is us. I can’t believe I let that happen!”
“Can you have sex with him anywhere else in the house?”
“I could, but the location of Taz’ bedroom makes it problematic. He could walk out to go pee and see us.”
“He’s seen you already. Not fucking, but kissing, and CJ playing with your titties.”
“WHAT????”
“He told me.”
“Oh shit, oh no!”
“I told him that he shouldn’t spy on you and he said he didn’t mean to. He told me the first weekend he was here, and that was how the subject of kissing came up. He told me that CJ liked kissing you.”
Phaedra wailed and covered her face.
“Don’t be embarrassed, Phaedra. I’m positive he has not seen you again. He promised me that he wouldn’t look if he had to go to the bathroom.”
“You know, Orion…my life was fine until you came back. You came back and ruined everything.”
“You’re a fucking asshole, Orion! I HATE I ever met you! I wish you had never ever ever come back! Why didn’t you just stay away? Why did you come back?”
“I love you. I love my son. I want us to be a family.”
“You make it sound so Dick and Jane.”
“It is. You’re the one complicating things. I got rid of my girl when I was certain of your feelings for me. You didn’t get rid of your man, not even when you became certain of your feelings for me. And where do they lead you? Into my arms, as they should. That was why we agreed to keep a distance, so that we wouldn’t fall into bed. But you’re here, and you look wonderful and you smell great, and all I can think about is the warmth and sweetness of your…”
“Orion…”
“You came here because you want me. You came here because you don’t want CJ. You came here to lose the bet. Tell me the truth so we can deal with this and move on, baby.”
Phaedra stood up, swiping at her cheeks. “I’m leaving. I’m sorry I ever stopped by.”
I remained sitting; it was going to be a test of wills. What I wanted to do was pick her up and take her to bed again. But then that took the responsibility of handling her situation out of her hands. She had to choose and I had to make her do it. It didn’t mean that I wouldn’t have sex with her if she chose to marry CJ, but I did want her to understand that the choice to betray him was all hers.
She stood by the window, staring over the horizon. “Why did you come back?”
“I told you. I could no longer stand by and watch you raise our son alone. When I knew I could be an asset and not a detriment, I returned. When I knew I could assume full responsibility of you and of our child, I came back. When I knew I was worthy, I returned. And I’m not leaving. I’m going to be around, Phaedra. You have to decide if you’re going to hurt CJ for a little while or for a long time. That’s what this boils down to: what you want.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth.”
“I love CJ.”
“Uh-huh. And?”
She sighed. “Orion, you know that I still have feelings for you, as much as I don’t want them.”
“Do you love me, Phaedra?”
“Stop being evasive, please.”
“You’re an evil bastard and I hope you rot in hell. Yes, Orion. I love you. But I won’t be with you.”
“Phaedra, don’t be difficult.”
Phaedra looked at me. “I won’t be back. I’m sorry I came here in the first place. I don’t know what I was thinking, Orion. I was a fool to believe…”
She turned and walked out of my apartment. I didn’t move, but I gripped my pen so tight that it snapped.
 |
| Sadao |
Saturdays at Jade’s were always busy. There was usually some sporting events on the TVs and there was a regular crowd. Unless I scheduled ahead of time, I worked all day. I sat in my office with my face glued to the computer, and it was probably looking at me more than I was looking at it. Orion Jr. had gotten into the habit of calling me on the nights he didn’t see me and I looked forward to his calls. I hadn’t spoken to his mother since she left my apartment, and I was frustrated and angry about all of it. This was a miasma of both our making, and both of us were too stubborn to do the right thing by everybody.
Sadao poked his head in my office door. “Boss?”
I looked up. “Sadao.”
“There’s a guy by the name of Broughton out here that wants to see you. CJ Broughton.”
“Oh,” I said, standing up. “Let him in.”
CJ and I didn’t get along, obviously, so when he came into my office, I was understandably wary. But I was also a professional and I extended my hand. He took it and gave it a brief shake.
“CJ,” I said.
“Orion,” he said.
“Have a seat.”
He sat down. “This won’t take long.”
I sat down, throwing my tie over my shoulder. “What is it? Is Phaedra all right? Is my son all right?”
“You asked about Phaedra first.”
“So?”
“Orion, I’m not a fool. I know how you feel about her. You never made it a secret, and I have to say I respect you for it even though I don’t like it. Phaedra’s great. I love her. She’s a wonderful woman and she makes me happy—”
“Why the fuck are you telling me this, CJ?”
 |
| CJ |
“Let me finish, Orion. Phaedra has made me happy in the time that we’ve been together. Quintaz is a terrific kid. I love both of them. But I can’t compete with you. I tried, but I can’t. Since you came back, Phaedra is different. She’s even more guarded and secretive than before. Like she doesn’t want me to know that she’s still in love with you, but I’m not an idiot. Maybe its best that you did come back, because now I know that she was never really mine, and I don’t deserve that.”
I didn’t say anything.
“You broke her heart, do you know that?”
I nodded. “I do. I broke my own in the process.”
“It took her a long time to get used to me. It took her a long time to trust me. I was patient because I could see the woman she is when she does trust. And when she finally let me in, you showed up and I could no longer trust her.”
“CJ, I’m sorry about all of that.” I was. He wasn’t a bad guy.
He took a deep breath. “I came here to tell you that I’m not going to marry Phaedra. I’m not going to stand in your way.”
“Does she know?”
“She will soon enough. I just made my decision. I haven’t seen her today.”
“CJ, Phaedra loves you, and she doesn’t want me.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m not stupid. I know she slept with you. I know that if I marry her, she would cheat on me. She’s drawn to you in a way that I don’t think she realizes. I see it, but she won’t acknowledge it. There is no point in pretending that everything will work itself out. She’s been out of her mind getting ready for our wedding, and she refuses to talk about the situation, so I’m just going to make it easy for her.”
“CJ, she doesn’t want me. She told me.”
“Do you want her?”
“Of course.”
He chuckled. “Orion, if you break her heart again, I will come after you. She doesn’t deserve to have you bail out on her again. You’d better make sure your presence is permanent.”
“It is.”
He stood up and held out his hand. I stood up and shook it. “I appreciate you coming by, CJ. I’m sorry about all this.”
“I am too,” he said, turning to walk out of my office. “I love Phaedra.”
Monday morning, I called Phaedra and got her voice mail. I called her office, and was told by one of the receptionists that she wasn’t at work. I called her mother, Gina, who curtly informed me that Phaedra asked her to keep Orion Jr. for a couple of days. I offered to pick him up, but she refused. She stopped liking me the day I left Phaedra and I knew it would take a miracle for Gina Thornton to forgive me for hurting her daughter and grandson.
Worried, I left Jade’s and drove to Phaedra’s brownstone. I knocked on her front door until my hand throbbed. I was scared that something had happened to her, so I went around back and peeped in through the windows. Then I took a quick glance around to see if anyone was watching, and then used my little ring of pocket tools to unlock her door. I’d deal with the repercussions of breaking into her house later, but for right now Phaedra’s well-being was my only concern. The back door led into the kitchen and I saw two small cake boxes sitting on the counter. They were from a well-known baker and I wondered if they were samples of potential wedding cakes. The wedding was supposed to be in two weeks.
“Phaedra?”
I walked deeper into the apartment, down the hall to her bedroom. She was in her bedroom, standing in front of the mirror. She wore her wedding dress.
“Phaedra?”
She turned and looked at me. Her eyes were puffy. “How did you get in here, Orion?” Her voice was thick.
“I broke in through the back door, Phaedra. You didn’t answer your phone, or the front door. I knocked. I knocked until I splintered my hand.” I held it up for her to see.
Phaedra shook her head. “Maybe it’s because I want to be alone, Orion. Did you consider that?”
“I understand. I just wanted to see if you’re all right. I’ll leave you alone.” However, I was dumbstruck at the sight of her.
She turned back towards the mirror. “I thought I should try it on before I sold it,” she said by way of explanation.
“You look magnificent,” I said, hesitant to move closer to her. My hand ached and my knuckles were starting to bruise.
“So what?” she said, running a hand against the skirt. “Doesn’t matter.”
“Don’t sell the dress, Phaedra.”
“What am I supposed to do with it, Orion? I’m not getting married, so what in the hell should I do with it?”
“Save it.”
“For what?”
“For later. You never know, Phaedra. CJ might change his mind.”
 |
| Phaedra's wedding dress |
She rolled her eyes. “Even if he did, and even if I let him, you would do everything in your power to stop it from happening. Don’t bullshit me. This is partly your fault.”
I didn’t say anything.
“What in the fuck did you think was going to happen when you came back into my life?”
“All I wanted was my family, Phaedra. That’s what I was thinking about.”
She sighed and lifted the skirt. “Do you like the shoes? They made me five inches taller. I could actually look CJ in the face instead of his neck.”
“He told me,” I said. “He came by Jade’s and told me.”
“Hmmn,” she said, kicking off the heels. “You men and your big-dick competitions. I hate both of you.”
“I’m sorry, Phaedra. What can I do?”
“If my son wasn’t in love with you; if your absence would have absolutely zero effect on him, then I would tell you to go away and leave us both alone forever. Quintaz loves you. He absolutely loves his Daddy and I will not hurt my son by banishing you from our lives. But I’m hurt, Orion. I know I didn’t help matters by sleeping with you. I know a great deal of this is my fault. Everything was going well for me before you came back. Taz and I would have been happy with CJ.”
She turned to the side and looked in the mirror again. “All that money gone to waste,” she murmured.
“Don’t get rid of the dress just yet, Phaedra.”
“I’m not marrying you, Orion. And yet I know you won’t let me marry anybody else. You will get in the way of any relationship I have with a man other than you.” She sounded tired.
“No,” I said. “I know it makes me a fucking bastard, but you belong to me, Phaedra. And I belong to you. I always have. We can work it out. Give me a chance, give us a chance. Let our son have an opportunity at having a family.”
She stared at my reflection as I walked closer to her. “Orion…”
“Let’s take it a day at a time. You can set the pace and I’ll do whatever you want me to do. I’ll do whatever you say, Phaedra. All I know is that I will never, ever leave you or deliberately hurt you again.”
Phaedra turned and looked at me. “Orion…”
I put my hands on her arms, wincing at the pain in my hand. “Do you want me to beg?”
She bit her lip and looked away. “Orion, I don’t know.”
“I’ll stay in my apartment and you can stay in yours. We’ll start all over again. We’ll date. I’ll do all those things I did to get your attention initially. I'll do whatever I need to make you fall in love with me again. Tell me what you want me to do.”
Phaedra looked down at her bare feet, then over her shoulder, and then finally at me. “Orion…if I agree to this, then you will have to tell me everything you’ve done since you left me. I don’t need some dark secret from that time creeping up on me five years from now and ruining mine and Taz’ lives for the second time.”
I nodded my head, understanding that if she knew I was a member of the Ishiguro yakuza, she might leave me and take our child away. But I would not lie to her, even if that were to happen. It was a consequence and I would own it no matter what.
Phaedra turned around. “Unzip me, Orion. I’m exhausted. I spent half the night crying and the other half wondering how I’m going to pay for a wedding that’s not going to happen.”
“I’ll pay for it,” I said as I unzipped her dress. “Since it’s my fault.” I resisted kissing her shoulder. As much as I wanted to bring her into my arms and kiss her stupid, I couldn’t. It wasn’t the right time; I didn’t know what Phaedra wanted. She needed time to get over CJ’s deliberate jilt and if I was serious about being back with her, I had to give her the space she required.
She wore very pretty lingerie, but it was my swelling hand that got her attention. Phaedra took it and looked at me. “Did you splinter my door?”
I stared into her eyes. “I was worried about you.”
She nodded. “Go sit down. Let me put something on real quick and I’ll bandage your hand. And yeah, I’m not so righteous or independent that I won’t accept your offer. I’ll make a list of everyone you need to pay, and pay them quickly, please. I don’t want to get bills in the mail reminding me that I got jilted.”
I cradled my sore hand. “I’ll run you a bath,” I said. “Then you take a nap. I’ll get you something to eat, and then we’ll talk. I’ll tell you everything. You might not like some of it, but I won’t keep anything from you, Phaedra.”
I went into the kitchen and sat down, closing my eyes. My hand was swelling fast. Phaedra came out of her bedroom, clad in a long T-shirt, carrying bandages and antiseptic. She sat beside me and began methodically caring for my hand.
“I’m sure you’ve done things that I won’t like. I mean, you left me when I was in labor. I really didn’t like that, Orion. As long as you tell me the truth, and tell me all of it, then I can deal with it. I can handle it as long as I know what I’m up against. Don’t try to protect me by keeping the truth from me. I’m not fragile. If I was, I would have never survived giving birth to your eight and a half-pound, twenty-one inch long baby boy, or the heartbreak of raising him alone.”
“Just so I know what I’m up against,” I said, “how long are you going to remind me of that?” I winced as she wiped down my scraped knuckles with alcohol pads.
She gripped my hand hard enough for it to hurt and met my eyes. “As long as I damn well want to, Orion Korematsu.”
“Fair enough,” I said.
She ended up lying down after bandaging my hand. I removed my shoes, suit coat, tie and shirt and lay down with her. Phaedra didn’t push me away when I scooted in beside her.
“I’m so tired,” she said.
“Go to sleep.”
“Taz is going to want to come home. I haven’t seen him in a week.”
“I can go get him if you want.”
She yawned as I put my bandaged hand on her hip. “Not just yet…and your hand better not move an inch, Orion.”
I rubbed my nose against her ear. “Phaedra, I’m so horny for you. I haven’t been with anyone but you, and just that one time. I am not used to going this long without sex. I’d better tell you this now.”
“Orion, we have a lot to work out…I’m not having sex with you.”
“I know,” I said. “I’m not going to push you or anything like that, but you may as well know.”
She giggled. “You haven’t changed completely; you were always a horny bastard. If I hadn’t been on birth control, we would have had about four children.”
“Six,” I said, grateful for the levity of the moment.
“So if I happen to brush up against you, don’t be surprised…is what you’re saying?”
“Pretty much.” I kissed the back of her ear. “But I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do. Go to sleep.”
Sometime during our nap, she turned to face me and I woke up with her curled into me. I sighed and kissed her forehead. I decided that I’d have one of my guys deliver a nice spread of food from Jade’s, and Phaedra and I would have a good meal and a long conversation. I was going to tell her everything; everything I’d done since I joined up with the Ishiguros. I owed her that. She told me that she could handle anything if she knew it up front, and I hoped to God that it included my less-than-legitimate mob activities.
I scratched the back of her head and kissed her forehead again. She opened her eyes and looked at me. I stared at her. Phaedra caressed my cheek and ran her thumb over my lip. “You make such a liar out of me, Orion. I’ll never forgive you for it.”
“I can live with that,” I said.
Phaedra kissed me and slid her arms around my neck. She made love to me right there on top of the covers. Our union was intense; she gripped my fingers as she rode me and wrapped her legs around me when I had her on her back. She bit my shoulders, dug her nails into my back and buttocks, and pulled my hair. It drove me crazy. My body felt like it would burst; my heart overflowed with love for this woman. From the way she held on to me and from the slight tears that trickled out of her eyes, I knew that Phaedra felt for me as strongly as I did her. She made a man out of me; she made me whole. I didn’t want to live without her, and I knew that I wouldn’t. My name came out of her mouth in short, rapid spurts as she climaxed and I blissfully followed her into the void. I adore you, Phaedra Thornton. God knows I do. I would risk everything for the love of you.
I really loved this story and can't wait to see how you conclude Discipline. I also love how you give us a face to go with these awesome character. Keep up the good work! So happy I found this.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! Welcome to my Shorties blog; welcome to my dark little twisted fantasy land. You're always welcome here, and thanks for leaving a message.
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